I Found only after I Lost

Submitted by Robb Braun

I did indeed find more to life when I lost big in life, but this story is not about loss. I am about to share with you what made the difference and how my life changed when I changed the story of my life.

As with so many others, I grew up in a rough environment - violent, alcoholic father in a world of friends and family who didn't know how to save us kids from him, including my mom. Included in that world of growing up was a complete absence of life lessons about love, money, business, success, relationships, and so on. I told myself, though, that I was the resilient child (read it in a book) and that I would overcome my upbringing. I was determined (again inspired by what I read by others) to not repeat what I had experienced, that I would break the cycle. My heart wanted out, but my head reinforced a perceived truth that I would perpetuate for years...a perception that created lack and doubt.

For years, I attempted one business venture after another, all leading to the eventual lack of success. To my credit, I kept trying because I wanted something more in life. But the stories I told myself always reinforced lack coupled with doubt. Then life brought a new challenge.

After being married for ten years and raising our son Chace together (9 years old at the time), my wife Paula became ill and would soon pass from cancer...and I had a fresh story. I was a 32 year old man raising a son, running a business, trying to make my way in the world...all by myself. For lack of another term, I pretty much dropped out after that. Oh, I still showed up for work, sat and did homework with Chace, went to parent-teacher conferences and appeared to be making the adjustments. Inside, though, I had quit and would blame Paula's death for all my lack of success forward. I had a great 'woe is me story' and everyone let me get away with it. Who could blame me, a man trying to go it alone and doing the best he can? I would go on to struggle in life and business for the next ten (10) years.

I want to pause here. For those of you currently reading this, I invite you to pause for a moment and ask yourself, "Where have I come up short in business or in life because of some story or excuse I use for why my life has not turned out the way I want? How have I limited myself in any area of my life because of some weak excuse or story I carry forward from my past?" I say 'weak', not to piss you off, but to challenge you...to hopefully move you in a direction of questioning the validity of your story and why you may perpetuate the same kind of false perceptions I did.

The final part of my story is in no way intended to shock you or sensationalize any part of my life - it's simply what happened. On a Sunday morning in January 2004, I received a phone call that my son Chace (19 years old) had been shot and killed in a gang-related shooting in San Diego. I pause even now as I reflect on how my life and who I was changed forever that morning. By the end of that day, I made two decisions (what Anthony Robbins refers to as 'real' decisions) in my life that I have never gone back on, and I do mean never. I decided that I would not be angry at or blame God, or the young man who shot Chace, for his death. I also decided that I would never use the story of Chace's death as an excuse or any reason for my lack of success in life. To go with that, I decided I would have Chace's death have purpose, even if the lone purpose was to save me from myself.

Today, I live my life full-on and my life and business are quite extraordinary. I do what I want most days and am working to create a life where I do what I want every day. My coaching and training business focuses on helping others to wake up to their successes, which is in alignment with who I have become. I am remarried to a most wonderful and powerful woman, Linda, and I raise my youngest son Baily, 10 years old now. Paula and Chace are still quite present in my life, sources of reason and inspiration (I can be very unreasonable). I believe completely in my ability to succeed, today, and I attribute this perspective, so contrary to what I lived with for so many years, to my making the very real decision to change my story.

My want is that no person ever has to have the kind of loss you read about today be the catalyst for personal growth and change in perspective. My want for you is that you read something today that will make a difference for you, that will help you reconsider your stories and those limiting beliefs and excuses you use for living your life smaller than you deserve and smaller that you are capable of. My want is that Chace's death serve more than to just get me back on track and that just maybe you read something today that will make a difference for you.

With sincere gratitude for this opportunity to share,

Robb Braun

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Submitted by Robb Braun on June 7^th, 2010